Let me set the stage: Newly single dad of a young kid. After COVID-19 I haven’t done much outside of my home and taking care of my kid. I work full time-remote, and between the kiddo and leaving room for a hobby or taking care of the house, it seems like the only other thing I have time for is sleep.
The thing I know is that this is likely an issue with my anxiety and anxious attachment. The conclusion we’ve arrived at in therapy is that I gotta meet people. I apparently forgot, or don’t know how to do that. Where to meet people. It’s not a big city, but 200k-300k people in the county.
Maybe I’m looking for something of a strategy more than anything.
edit: thank you guys, I really appreciate it!
Volunteering is always good. Meals on Wheels. Habitat for Humanity. See if the local library system has organized public events. Same for parks. You could take a continuing education class, too. Cooking, art, personal finance.
I think this is the best advice. These kinds of social gatherings take the pressure off socializing, you’re there because of something else and socializing is a side-effect. That feels nice for all parties. Choose something that is close to a honby or interest of tours, that way you’ll be more likely to meet likeminded people. Good luck OP and remember, you’ve got years to do this, you dont build up a social life in one or two weeks.
Edited to add sports, they’re great in melting the ice. Board game nights if that’s your cup of tea. Fantasy sports leagues
So much this. You can make a new friend at any age or stage in life. My grandparents are in their 90s and they made friends with a couple who just moved into their village only a few weeks ago and now they’re going to the local cinema together once a week followed by an early dinner!
(Language) courses are also great for this. If you make friends, that’s a bonus. Whatever happens you’ll have learnt a skill.
What are your interests? There’s often a local group for any kind of activity, from Dungeons and Dragons to rock climbing.
The best thing about meeting people through shared interests is that it’s a huge ice breaker - you know there’s definitely something you’ll have in common and can talk about with people in the group.
There’s sites like MeetUp for finding local groups - even a walking group is still a great way to meet people and get some exercise. Also Bumble isn’t just a dating app but also a friend-making app (I think they call that feature BFF).
Check out this website too for finding similar apps and sites to the ones I’ve suggested above as you never know what site will be more popular in your local area.
Also, you mentioned you’ve got a kid. Depending on their age etc, you should try and get involved with any events or extra curricular activities they do as you meet other parents there and you’ll have something to talk about (your kids). Perhaps there’s some local clubs or activities your kid can join and you can talk to other adults there during pick up and drop off (turn up early - it’s a great way to bump into people).
Regarding my last suggestion, approach other parents with honest questions like “How is your kid finding [this activity]?” or “Sorry to bother you but you wouldn’t happen to know of any other good kids activities in the area / suggestions for fun weekend things to do or places to go with your kid?”.
Make sure you introduce yourself afterwards along the lines of “I’m so sorry, my name is [your name]. I’m so rusty with talking to adults outside of work. With work and the kid, I don’t talk to adults enough haha!”.
You’d be so surprised how many other parents are in the exact same boat as you - it’s really hard to meet people unless you put concerted effort into it.
Finally, start saying hi to people when you’re walking around your local area or browsing local stores and cafes etc. I always greet my neighbors when I’m out for a walk and whilst most times it’s just a nice “Morning” to one another as we keep the same pace and walk past each other but several neighbors have actually stopped to chat (they instigated after my friendly “Morning”) and now I’ve gained a few new friends only a few doors away.
Walk with a smile and with friendly posture (hands out of pockets and with a straight back and shoulders). You’ll be so surprised how effective presenting yourself as a kind and approachable person is in itself a huge ice breaker and other people will want to chalk up a conversation with you.
Hang in there. It all takes time but keeping the welcoming attitude about yourself, day after day, a few weeks of “Morning!”s can turn into conversations which can grow into friendships. I believe in you!
This is such a great comment! Love you positivity.
Thank you for saying that! Just trying to do my part and make Lemmy the warm and wholesome place Reddit was back in its heyday. We’re all humans, hurtling through space on our lonely rock. We’ve got to look out for each other as, unless you’re religious, no one or no thing else will.
Bumble has a friend specific app now, I saw it pop up as a suggested app on the play store recently. No idea how well it actually works though.
I found kids were a good catalyst for meeting people. Go to parks with then talk with parents. Do free kid activities at local libraries/art galleries/science centers and you are pretty much going to have to talk to other parents. If you go to things regularly then eventually you will see other regulars and the connection will grow. Our local rec center has kid activity times where a lot of other parents meet.
Any kind of hobby shop or event is a good starting place.
- tabletop and card game stores
- comic shops
- video game stores
- music and records stores
- art studios and galleries
- batting cages, public tennis courts, etc.
- gyms
- libraries (tend to have events)
- trivia nights, karaoke, etc. at bars
- comedy clubs
- pool and billiards halls
- check your city/town government’s website and social media for events
- also check public parks’ sites
Good luck and happy friending :)
This is a good recommendation.
When I was out of college for a while, I ended up meeting like-minded friends at a monthly retro-gaming tournament/event that was held at a local book/game store. We actually ended up working on some creative projects together as we all had schooling/degrees/experience in video production, writing, and comedy. That opened up the doors to meeting a much larger group of people in the local acting and stand-up comedy scene, as well as other creative fields. So now I have a nice group of friends that I’ve made as an adult, in a variety of friend circles all b/c I decided to check out some regular events at hobby shops.
Meetup.com can be a blessing but it depends on the area. Definitely going to events you find fun and doing thing you find fun, but with a group. Going out alone and chatting people up. Honestly, if you can find a single dads group in the area, you are golden. And if you can’t… build it and they will come.
This is a really good suggestion. Starting a group and building a welcoming space to meet and share interests is a wonderful thing to do for others and a great way to meet new people.
You should check out Meetup.com. I started a meetup group for people in their 20’s and 30’s in my area who are looking to meet people and do fun things. We go hiking, do trivia, wine festivals, dinner&movie, board games, bowling, etc. It’s how I have met many friends, some of whom I would consider best friends.
You’re a new single dad
You’ve already indicated you don’t have time that is pretty normal. Dual parent households usually take a couple years to get their social lives back on track unless they can afford a nanny
Join a disc golf league with your bambino strapped to you
After Covid I landed on a remote job too.
When I felt it was safer to socialize with people I started to rollerblade and got to know a group in my city that gathered in a park and they teached me a few tricks. Now I go there and teach new people too.
I’m not saying that rollerblade is the best thing you can do but there’s a chance that you can share this experience with your kid and meet a few new people. Maybe try skating, biking, tennis… There’s a ton of options out there that can make you physically and mentally healthier
What country are we talking? Where I’m from, the best way is to join some association, like sewing, woodworking or dancing.
Find a gym with childcare. My local Y does, as do a few of the private gyms.
If you’re religious, churches often are good places to meet people in similar situations to you. Even if you’re not religious, or are politically progressive, there are congregations like Unitarians that may be a good thing to try.
Events at the library or park can be good.
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Go to a bar, lean on the bar with a stiff, respectable drink, talk to strangers.
