Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn’t sit well with me, especially since I’ve been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.

I’ve always been quite critical of myself and don’t consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn’t enjoy being around me, I don’t blame them one bit. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t conform to many social norms expected of me.

Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I worry that I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second-guessing themselves in this manner.

  • humorlessrepost@lemmy.worldEnglish
    71·
    9 months ago

    Nobody likes the bad kind of “honest” where someone is constantly an asshole for no reason, then hides behind “well would you rather I lie about my hatefulness?” as though it’s the honesty that people dislike rather than the views they’re being honest about.

    But plenty of people appreciate honesty from those who also happen to be otherwise good people.

    • snooggums@midwest.socialEnglish
      41·
      9 months ago

      That isn’t honesty, that is being a bully with an excuse. Those people tend to be inconsistent enough that it becomes clear they are not even being honest.

      • humorlessrepost@lemmy.worldEnglish
        31·
        9 months ago

        Agreed, but they call it honesty, so when someone says they’ve never encountered a single person who appreciates their honesty, it’s my first suspicion.

        • TrickDacy@lemmy.world
          11·
          9 months ago

          That might reflect on you just as much as the people you’re suspicious of. What I’m talking about is that someone can ask your honest opinion, you break it to them as gently as you can, and they are obviously crushed by it. There are other varieties of it too, but that’s the one that sucks the most and illustrates that honesty is just not really what most people want if it’s at all a difficult truth.

          If you want to play the “I know you’re a shitty person by one comment on the internet” game, go ahead.