While I definitely agree that routine checkups like that should be happening (and especially for people who just got their licenses or are 60+) at least for a car dominant culture like the US I can see that being a huge burden both on safety organizations/DMVs and on the drivers themselves. :/

I think it was a sous vide thing.

It is definitely tough to shed that sense. Growing up knowing I was “weird” and therefore bad (no, it was just undiagnosed autism, but I was an adult before I knew that and that element of myself had long since been solidified) meant that if I wanted people to like me then I had to give more than they did in order to just break even, which is exhausting and unfair, especially since I have a tendency to read neutral expressions as negative ones.

One thing that has helped me is the realization that that happy feeling I get when someone came to me for help and I helped them? Goes both ways for good people. And it sucks for them, too, if you’re suffering and they could help but you were afraid to ask. Having standards is both a defense of yourself and a means of determining which people should stay prominent in your life.

“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.”

“The brutally honest care more about the brutality than the honesty.”

“Reasonable people can disagree reasonably.”

I can’t live up to those ideals but it would be cruel to myself and others to stop trying to.

Wasn’t there one of these where he kept a steak in the danger zone for like a week or so?

What a system is capable of doing initially for a lucky fraction of the populace and where its inevitable and terrible end leads for the vast majority are two entirely different things.

Those are all good points! Certainly some of it is growing pains, but it would make for a better entry point to have a walkthrough upon signup. That could be true of apps, as well.

It’s all a balancing act, isn’t it? Between managing reputation and the increased trust/context it brings, allowing for a broader range of opinions (and more contentious ones) versus encouraging consensus within a community, and managing user expectations. How do you keep out trolls and chan-culture without encouraging fearful bean counting and a smoothening of the many bumpy opinions into what is widely perceived as acceptable?

What works for a suddenly engorged, amorphous and non-profit driven organization like Lemmy is going to be different from what Reddit can do from a top-down perspective. I’ve always held paid actors to a higher standard than unpaid ones, so I’m willing to rely more on my own internal sorting of value. Everyone has experienced a time where they or someone else made a good point that was ignored in favor of the popular person’s more mundane one, and I think that that’s just a part of humanity that you can’t kick out without establishing some sort of external arbiter.

I don’t know the answer to it, just that a simpler system that one disagrees with is easier to navigate than one that’s more complex.

Besides sorting by age or number of replies, how else would you sort comments, and is that any better than using user generated scores?

You can change that to New and hide read comments. Or just keep scrolling and read comments as they are. Organization that can be changed is different from not even being able to comment.

It’s the lack of awareness that gets me. You’re operating a 2+ ton vehicle at speeds significantly faster than humans can reach by themselves, amongst a group of other people doing the same, and you figure it’s okay to be unpredictable?

Unfortunately that’s not something you can really test for, that blasé attitude towards interacting with traffic, since most early drivers are going to be on their best behavior, and this is developed after years of getting away with it (or NOT but somehow still doing it?).

Exactly; the main point of karma for Reddit doesn’t apply here, and there are options in apps to just show total score.

I use downvotes for two things: the person was, needlessly, a jackass, regardless of whether they’re right, or they’re wrong in such a way that I don’t have the energy/ability to sort that out (or just trolling). I’m sure others do the same for me, and that information should be available to others.

Yeah I feel you on this one. It’s like my first reaction is to raise my hackles, not just because “CHANGE???” but also that a new idea means I Fucked Up by not considering all options or foreseeing it.

Which is silly and unfair of me. I make errors all the time, and I can’t possibly foresee everything, and when I offer up ideas it’s because I see a problem and want to fix it so things get better.; I’m not thinking about shoving someone’s nose in their failure to be omniscient so why should I be so concerned they’re doing the same?

One thing that helps is the knowledge that we don’t stop thinking about something when we stop consciously thinking about it, so my slow embrace of an idea after hours or days makes sense; my mind kept it on the stovetop, just on the back burner. It’s not fickleness, it’s consideration, and the knowledge that I do that can help give me the confidence to say, in the moment, “I’ll get back to you on that”.

Oh this is very familiar.

I think this is an aspect of AD(H)D; you know you have something to say, but you’re not sure you can hold onto it AND what the other person is saying at the same time.

In my case, a lot of the time I just don’t process conversation at the same speed that other people do. I like text for a reason: I can marshal my thoughts, edit comments, and see what I’m responding to instead of relying on my memory which is…poor.

At the same time, there’s the notion that different communicative means produces different communication styles. A phone call is not a face to face talk is not an email is not a letter is not a DM, so each should differ according to the medium. Deep, insightful comments might lend more towards written conversations, partly because they’re hard to say in the moment and because they’re hard to react to.

Which is so silly when you think about it: “this tire expert isn’t a REAL mechanic”. Okay…and?? We need both.

Not inside the vagina, but the…bubble, for lack of a better term, can meander to the opening and sit there until you surreptitiously take a long stride. Might be what they mean.

When you can deal with the aftermath but they can’t.

Thank you, that makes sense. I wasn’t sure if the sleep deprivation was just making me (more of) an idiot.

Logically, if he treats the sex worker right, with no demanding, no (non negotiated/sane) violence, and his actions don’t extend into monogamous relationships, and his views on future sexual partners are neither transactional nor cruel, it should be fine.

Emotionally would likely be a different story for the partner, or at least for me. Partly due to the stigma attached to sex work, and partly due to feelings of inadequacy or worry about needing to perform unwanted acts, and partly due to a suspicion that that really would affect his views, because people’s thoughts and feelings are messy, sprawling things that don’t fit into the mental cabinets we stuff them into. But if the partner couldn’t get over that, then they’re not for him.

And yes, this applies to women who pay for sex workers, too. Or at least it damn well should.

I can’t be the only one who can’t parse this sentence.

I’m sorry, can you rephrase this? I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.

A discussion of orthopedic shoes.

Note: the above site is trying to sell you on them, but the concepts/justifications they discuss pertain to your question.