Unless you can ask a straight man how many guys he’s slept with, it isn’t gender neutral, no matter how resistant to this fact you are.

E: the fact that neither of you give a shit about the people telling you the term isn’t gender neutral, doesn’t apply to us, and that we don’t feel comfortable with you using it to speak to or about us says it all. No matter how much mental gymnastics you do to convince yourself otherwise you are the ones choosing to be the problem instead of actually listening to others and showing some basic respect. It’s an easy fix, too - all you have to do is give a minimal fuck about others.

Hey…

Folks

Friends

Comrades

Everyone

People

Pals

You motley crew

Weirdos

Siblings

Fuckers

…how you doing, wanna go to the movies?

(this is by no means exhaustive list, the point is there are plenty of existing and perfectly acceptable alternatives, pick one, or more, and get comfortable with it)

The literal meaning isn’t gender neutral, but in actual practice, it 100% is.

Unless you can ask a straight man how many guys he’s slept with, it isn’t gender neutral, no matter how resistant to this fact you are.

I love banana bread, but hate fresh bananas, so I never buy any. I guess that’s one way to solve this problem… 😂

It would have a devastating effect on the eco system, since many flora and fauna depend on those leaves (for shelter, to feed on, to hunt in, to lay eggs on), and many more flora and fauna depend on those that depend on the leaves, and capitalism doesn’t give a fuck so the leaves would promptly be removed from the environment by one corporation or another so that they can profit, and we’d be fucked even further.

I got bit by my cat once and had to go to urgent care because my hand started swelling up pretty rapidly, and I got some pretty heavy antibiotics, but I think that’s probably it. Had a dog bite too, but that didn’t go deep enough to cause issue (it’s a teeth thing - thin and pointy cat teeth vs wider and more dull dog teeth).

Ok, I’ve had a proper read through now, I’ll admit there is a lot to process, but this a lot of sense (and some bits I was already doing without even realising, like trying to get space away from triggers).

I think my situation is tricky because the main person triggering me is my nibling, whose family I live with (I’ve been here since they were born and I’m often left to care for them during the day. Cuddling and playing and just spending hours on the couch watching cartoons with them used to be my escape, but for the past couple of months external stress has gotten worse, and after they “pushed me” on a really bad day and that brain switch has flipped, every time they want to be around me I feel like they’re “pushing me” and fight/flight which is the constant state of my autistic brain anyway, ramps up even more), so I can’t get away from them for any decent length of time, and they’re just a kid and it’s difficult to explain my growing boundaries (every time one gets crossed, by “hostile” or “friendly”, rationally I can tell the difference but irrationally they both have the same impact - a stricter boundary can’t help but pop up in its place, in self defence) and why I need them to stay away from me (or, if they keep “pushing”, why I’m suddenly horrible to them even though they don’t deserve it).

I don’t want to push them away, I rationally know they mean no harm and just want to give and be given love, but I also just need my boundaries respected.

The one thing I have avoided doing is reminiscing about good times because it makes me too upset that I’ve gone from that to this and I spiral in to a really dark place, but I do see how it might help, so I’m going to try my best to try it. I think some of the other advice is a little tricky for someone with sensory processing difficulties though).

Anyway, I won’t ramble any longer, thank you again, I’ve not actually talked about this to anyone else, and I feel like this exchange is a good first step to at least try and fix things.

I do wish I could find a descent therapist though… -_-

Wow, I wasn’t really expecting a reply, never mind something this through!

It’s past 2am here, so my brain can’t take it all in right now, so I’ll give it a proper read tomorrow when I can better process it and reply accordingly, but I just wanted to say I really appreciate your effort, thank you!

the behavioral pathway will flip and the calming trigger will start causing anxiety instead because that’s when you’re doing it most

You might have no idea, but since you bring it up I might as well ask - any way of reversing this once it’s happened? Recently my stress levels have been so heightened that that switch has flipped on some of the things (and people) that gave me most comfort and instead now they just cause me rage, and I’m struggling to find a way back (am autistic too which I understand can make this even harder)…

This is a massive spoiler for the film in the context of the conversation, but have you tried

What I’m referring to is the idea of allowing myself to believe that a people group are less intelligent than I am just because they don’t align with me politically or ideologically. There is no actual handicap for which they are being discriminated against

They might not have a disability, but using intelligence based insults isn’t ableist because of that, just like calling someone “gay” as an insult isn’t problematic because the person they’re trying to insult isn’t actually gay, but because it frames being gay as a negative term and something worthy of derision and mockery.

Just saying that that kind of thinking sets up a “we’re superior” mentality that can too easily lead to the same kinds of consequences as thinking you’re superior based on race or social status.

It already does, it’s called ableism and it has such deep roots in society it is everywhere no matter political leaning, which is why it is rarely addressed - because most of society still sees it as perfectly acceptable that disabled people are inferior (even though ableism impacts them too, not just because accessibility and inclusion benefit everyone, but because people just don’t like to think about getting hit by a car, having a stroke, or just growing old, nor about their child being born neurodivergent for example).

Ahahaha perfect 😂

So frustrating isn’t it…

Well done, you’ve provided some anecdotal effects and benefits, which I didn’t deny exist.

However none of them demonstrate necessity.

Breathing, sleeping, drinking, eating, shitting - those are necessities.

Having orgasms is not, no matter how much you try to convince yourself and others.

Orgasms are normal, healthy and necessary

Yes, yes, no.

While orgasms are normal and can potentially have some physical and mental benefits, there is no physical or mental necessity to have them (plenty of asexual and otherwise celibate people of all different kinds out there to prove it).

There is a lot of overlap and comorbidity between autism and ADHD, having one definitely doesn’t rule out having the other, and if you think diagnosis and or medication will help, I say go for it, just mention your suspicions about potentially having both to the doctor.

Oh yeah, for sure, on both the varied manifestation, and not being alone in the struggle. ✊

Unfortunately that’s pretty common. Personally I think that the accumulation of trauma (which is unavoidable being neurodiverse in a neurotypical world) makes the brain even more defensive, making it ever harder to break through the walls it creates in “self defence”. I wish I had something more encouraging or helpful to say, but I have the same struggles.

Take it a step further - even defending your own autonomy from yourself. Even things you want to do or even thoroughly enjoy become impossible once a demand is introduced. Add that to executive dysfunction, and daily life (and dealing with a neurotypical world that has no idea about these issues) becomes a real challenge.