High level summary: A bunch of nerds got into a slapfight about who’s project is less secure, or who’s project is run by the feds. Some guys got doxxed or swatted, a few stepped away from their projects and left social media, and that’s about where we are today. It’s largely a bunch of clout-chasing nonsense.

But NATO did start the simple and delicious vanilla cupcake recipe…

I don’t hate Google.

I despise them. I loathe them. Common transitive verbs like hate don’t encompass the depth and breadth of my disdain for Google.

If you want to give a gift that’s simultaneously very thoughtful AND a very shitty gift: buy him a pair of knee pads. Refuse to elaborate on why you bought them.

I wear tankies when it is hot out.

A Linux Wizard does not require a calendar. They simply arrive exactly when they are supposed to.

Web 3.0 is, more or less, what timeshares were to our predecessors. Here’s a thing you can theoretically use, but in practice, it’s useless and just cons you out of a ton of cash. And the theoretical thing will never actually exist.

Meanwhile, I am permanently banned from YouTube for uploading a 45 second clip of an episode of Star Wars Rebels as a private video to share with my kids, after we just (legally) watched it and they thought it was cool.

Such a good system.

I got an imprecise large language model right here for them

JUST WRITE GOOD CODE HOLY SHIT

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Your laptop desires are common, but unprofitable. Even if manufacturers charged twice as much for them, they’d lose out in the long run. Because you wouldn’t need to buy a new one every three years.

It’s the same problem that mobile phones have. Year after year, the number one complaint in consumer surveys is: “I want longer battery life!” It’s been like that for 20 years now. You’re never gonna see it. The battery having a short daily life—as well as a short lifecycle (before you have to bin the device because the battery isn’t replaceable)—is an intentional design choice. It ensures you keep buying The Coolest New Thing every few years. That’s money in the bank, baby!

Nope this is a real cybertruck.

If you didn’t play EverQuest with Roger Wilco, don’t even talk to me about voice chat.

I made bootleg tapes for my friends. I remember Little Feat and The Band were pretty popular choices.

I really wish they’d pick a better name. Ableism aside, it’s just a terrible name.

Crime rules.

Ages ago, I won a bet that I would get carded at the pub if I shaved, even if I was wearing an expensive suit. I was 35 at the time.

If I can’t type /pizza in EverQuest to get a pizza to wizard itself to my doorstep, I don’t even know what technology is trying to do anymore.

Well, kudos to your infinite patience for stupid dicks JusT asKINg QUesTioNs. Mine ran out ages ago. So now I’m just mean about it.

The answer to the question is, “None,” because it’s a stupid question.

It’s like if somebody said they hate cars, and we can do without them. Then some stupid asshole said, “I see. Should we return to the horse and buggy? Perhaps the rickshaw? Chariots, perhaps? Maybe a world where kings are carried on a throne upon the shoulders of slaves? Or maybe just piggyback rides? Kindly ignore the existence of trains and bicycles. Thanks!”

I reject the premise of the question, because the question isn’t asked in good faith, and is fucking stupid.

Wow. I didn’t know that. I just, uh, you’re telling me now for the first time. I’m actually sad to hear that. I am sad to hear that. Thank you very much.