Sorry buddy, I know it’s not what you want to hear because everything you are experiencing seems very real to you, but I worked with many people with mental illness and reading this feels just like that.
I know this is hard to accept, but try the medicine. You don’t have to take it forever, but just try it for a few months. Make a video diary so you can look back and see any changes.
Woah woah woah buddy did you even take a second to think about the profits? Selfish.