The race depicted are notoriously dumb and only achieved space travel by stealing the technology. Don’t think about it too much or you’ll see all the holes in that idea.

I love it with hummus.

“…you have the audacity to come to me for help?

Sure! Linux isn’t nearly as difficult to use as people think. There’s a learning curve since Linux does things differently than Windows, but you’d face that if you switched to Mac, too. Here’s a USB disk with [insert user-friendly distro here] loaded on it. If you can make your computer boot with it you have all the skills necessary to install Linux. You can test-drive it from the USB and if it’s just too different from what you’re used to, it won’t have made any changes. Have fun!”