I had written so much and I clicked up vote on the comment below this and it vanished. I am so sad. Let me try again.
It sounds like you were doing a lot right! But this:
I did get matches, but ALL the chats went nowhere. They all start off well, we make some small talks and the chats frizzle off over time or they ghost you.
What happened here? How long were you chatting?
My advice (to anyone, maybe not you if you’re off the apps) is to ask people out sooner. If they matched with you and responded reasonably well to your first message, they have signalled interest. That’s most of what you need.
I usually match, write a message specific to them (never send a generic message, guys!), and then see what they say. After a handful of good exchanges I’ll usually ask them out. If you ever end on like “let’s chat again tomorrow” when you’re still interested and you haven’t asked them out, you probably fucked up
“Do you want to have a date, talk more about {X}, and see if we get along in person?” has worked well for me.
If you don’t ask them out, someone bolder will, and most people will prioritize a real person they’ve met over a blip in an app.
One of my women friends often complains about men who write and chat and dither and never ask her out.
I hope this helps someone. It does sound like your life is in a good place though.
Cheers for the reply and sorry you lost your original comment, I hate it when that happens to me!
What happened here? How long were you chatting?
Nothing really, they just never went anywhere. I would usually chat for maybe 2-3 days, and I think the longest chat I’ve had active was for a week. The problem is I’m not really good at chatting (it just feels so fake asking the same old small talk stuff, like you know, how you feel inside when put on a fake smile?), and I don’t know how to organically switch from a random small talk to asking them out.
After a handful of good exchanges I’ll usually ask them out.
Whats your criteria for this? What’s a good number of exchanges, and do you ask your dealbreaker / serious questions during this time, or just keep it all casual, like asking them about their interests etc?
I had written so much and I clicked up vote on the comment below this and it vanished. I am so sad. Let me try again.
It sounds like you were doing a lot right! But this:
What happened here? How long were you chatting?
My advice (to anyone, maybe not you if you’re off the apps) is to ask people out sooner. If they matched with you and responded reasonably well to your first message, they have signalled interest. That’s most of what you need.
I usually match, write a message specific to them (never send a generic message, guys!), and then see what they say. After a handful of good exchanges I’ll usually ask them out. If you ever end on like “let’s chat again tomorrow” when you’re still interested and you haven’t asked them out, you probably fucked up
“Do you want to have a date, talk more about {X}, and see if we get along in person?” has worked well for me.
If you don’t ask them out, someone bolder will, and most people will prioritize a real person they’ve met over a blip in an app.
One of my women friends often complains about men who write and chat and dither and never ask her out.
I hope this helps someone. It does sound like your life is in a good place though.
Cheers for the reply and sorry you lost your original comment, I hate it when that happens to me!
Nothing really, they just never went anywhere. I would usually chat for maybe 2-3 days, and I think the longest chat I’ve had active was for a week. The problem is I’m not really good at chatting (it just feels so fake asking the same old small talk stuff, like you know, how you feel inside when put on a fake smile?), and I don’t know how to organically switch from a random small talk to asking them out.
Whats your criteria for this? What’s a good number of exchanges, and do you ask your dealbreaker / serious questions during this time, or just keep it all casual, like asking them about their interests etc?
Removed by mod