I’m letting people who hurt me in the past live rent free in my mind.
One episode involves a former landlord that tried to run me over in an intersection with no traffic cameras.
Another one involves a manager that fired me for informing that one of his favorites yelled during night shift and ignored alarms to talk. He fired me the next day, used the exit interview to tell me everything I didn’t do right (but kept quiet about his favorites, even though I did the job like them), still had the utmost confidence on his favorites, accused me of being lazy and instead of simply firing me and keeping neutral he chose to take it personal, proceeded to try to scare me insinuating I wouldn’t work for his system again, when that failed, tried to humiliate me and then fired me. This was in an non union hospital.
When I think about it I get angry. Id like not to be so thin skinned, but here I am.
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I had to do cognitive behavioral therapy to defeat cycles much like that. Fortunately, if you’re not in a position to have a professional help you with that, it can be self practiced. The biggest take away is allowing yourself time to process it, so it doesn’t occupy your mind when you’re trying to do something important like driving or sleeping. Write out the angry thoughts and reflect on them, why its impractical and how you’re putting yourself at risk for little to no gain. Match each negative thought with something positive if you can help it. Sure this person fucked you over, but you got to play a cool game with a buddy. They don’t need to be connected but try to force yourself to spend equal or greater time on good experiences as much as your mind is trying to drag you into the gutters. Regret is one of the more powerful emotions you’ll experience and you don’t need to cause yourself unnecessary burdens. If you feel you’re a risk to yourself or others, please seek out professional help. This isn’t medical advice, just myself reflecting on my own experiences. I’m told this service is pretty decent. https://www.betterhelp.com/
This would be my advice. The books “Feeling Great” or “When Panic Attacks” by David Burns are the go to resources for CBT. Honestly I never got much out of years of (on and off) professional CBT, but books make the whole thing a lot more digestible.
For OOP, CBT might help to really understand why these particular experiences are so meaningful to them.
Personally I imagine what shitty unforfilling lives they must have to be the way they are. Then I aim to outlive them. Outlive them life span wise, in happiness, in forfillment, goals, and everything!
Your life, physical and then professional were both threatened. The things you mentioned aren’t little oopsies. These are well beyond normal. You describe being assaulted and abused. Those aren’t suck it up and learn situations. That isn’t a regular kind of problem. You should seek trauma counseling.
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Revenge usually does the trick.
