It’s tough! The thought of non-existence used to terrify me. For years I clung to religious beliefs, which also terrified me. Eternal torture for nonbelief? Even worse than non-existence! If the religion I was taught was wrong, which was right?

My brain would latch onto these questions and repeat in circles so I couldn’t sleep. I learned to distract myself with made up bedtime stories. I picked up rituals like prayer that I held onto for long after I stopped believing. The ritual was soothing. Slowly, that fear faded and I don’t pray anymore . I don’t fear a hell now, so it’s non-existence, like sleep, which doesn’t feel as frightening as it used to. Since they’s no reason and no purpose to anything, I don’t have to sacrifice myself to fit some role. There’s no great work I can do that will change this.

I’m 40 and sitting here watching a friend play a videogame and petting my cat. I will hang out with my neice this week and play DnD on the weekend and the lack of meaning or purpose - this emptiness - relaxes me.

What I mean is - take it slow. Don’t completely ignore the fear, but if it’s too much, find distractions ro reduce the pain. You wont come to the same conclusions I did, but if you try to take it slow, you might get to your own peace eventually. Maybe you’ll decide that doing good things brings you peace, or building a home you love or something.

Practice slowly breathing, find distractions that genuinely work for you, and think about these things at times when you’re in an okay place - not the dead if night when they’re huge. If that doesn’t work or it’s never small enough to handle, try therapy.

I hope you figure it out.