I can only speak for myself, but there is more to this than just fear of death. It is my eyes being forcibly opened to how evil and stupid so many people are. I’ve always known there was evil in the world, I’ve always known that from time to time evil comes into power and does an enormous amount of damage, but I never in a million years could have guessed how widespread and common evil really is. People I love, and who I thought loved me are showing their true colours, as are people I have known for decades. I can’t help but look back on my life and think “Was all this fake? The good times, the memories, was it all just bullshit? Were you evil the whole fucking time??” If we were in Germany in the 40s, these are the people who would have sold me out to the Nazis.

Being born on this planet and living through a time like this is like being six years old and arriving at an amazing looking birthday party with balloons and cake and presents and pony rides, only to find out that the cake has been poisoned, the ponies are being beaten with a whip, and your best friend is trying to stab you to death with the cake knife because he wants your balloon. Being at a party with people like that kind of spoils the whole experience.

Being surrounded by evil and stupidity, being betrayed by the ones you love, it makes me feel like all the good times and memories are just an illusion and there is nothing for me here. No point to any of it. So my mental health suffers, just like OP’s mental health suffers. I can’t see a way out of this. What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been realized cannot be unrealized. So, it isn’t the fear of death that is getting to me. It’s living in this fucking nightmare.

God damn…

Oh God…

There’s five of them???

You definitely don’t need to feel alone, there are legions of us out there. Our experience is not uncommon. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I hope you can find some peace, and that you can reconcile (if desired) with your parents. It took a long time, but I eventually did and things are a lot better now.

When it comes to financial stuff, probably a 7/10. I had piano lessons, riding lessons, summer camp, etc. I honestly have a lot of fond memories of all that stuff. When it comes to abuse, probably -7. Lots of physical violence, screaming and yelling, threats to kill my animals, threats to kill me, threats for them to kill themselves, constant criticism about literally everything, and having to walk on eggshells my entire childhood and living in a constant state of extreme stress because I never knew when things would blow up and I would get my ass kicked for something random like not setting the table correctly.

Double negatives are hard. I love Graphene.

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Not a day goes by that I don’t regret installing that on my phone.

That people in general are good.

I boycotted them a long time ago when I found out they donated to Trump’s campaign, despite being a Swedish company.

Good for your brother for growing up. Most men raised like that never do.

Hasta la vista baby.

They do think, they just run first lol.

I’ll have to level with you, horse fiction doesn’t usually accurately portray the way horses think. If you’re going with fictional magical pegasuses I wouldn’t worry about being accurate to real life and just do whatever works for you.

It was kind of like The Babysitters Club. Fun and worth the read if you’re nine, but honestly someone coming into it as an adult probably won’t like those books.

The Black Stallion, King of the Wind, Justin Morgan Had A Horse, Misty of Chincoteague, Black Gold, Black Beauty, My Friend Flicka, National Velvet off the top of my head.

My mom was a cleaning lady, and some of her clients were among the richest people in Canada. The last few years she worked, she started struggling physically so I went in to work with her to help, and I met all of her employers. Every one of them were very nice people. Not every rich person is an evil asshole. We’re still friends with some of them.

I’ll check it out!

The same language, but I only did about 15 minutes a day. I am more the “pick away at it a little bit” than an “immerse your entire life in it” kind of learner. I learned a lot, and can have basic conversations at this point, but I still have a long way to go and will continue using some kind of language app going forward. I watch media too which helps. Apps are just one tool of many.