Reality check time, You’re on your way out buddy. Companies don’t use PIPs as a last resort anymore, 99% of the time it’s to build the case to let you go without any blowback / unemployment and based on your history it sounds like this was a long time coming and you knew it. You didn’t get the other role because your current manager most likely gave the other team a heads up. Your only real option is to look externally at this point so it doesn’t really make sense to me why you wouldn’t at least try, If you’re in a big tech company what exactly makes it complicated to switch? If anything that should make it easier?

as someone who exclusively drinks water / sparkling water, La Croix barely has an aftertaste of a hint of flavor lol I prefer most other sparkling waters to it

I think it was definitely the super long beta period where you needed an invite killed it. I knew a ton of people who were interested that gave up