As a person that actually torrented a Linux iso on Friday, thank you! Lol

Yes saying that you’re exclusively attracted to cis women is an easy short hand.

I think OurToothbrush is frustrated with the erasure of transwomen that you fail to identify as trans.

I think when you said:

I had never met a transfem whose body I found attractive.

You don’t actually know if you’ve ever found a trans-woman attractive because you don’t know the birth details of every women you’ve ever found attractive. Some of them could be trans.

It’s not something I was particularly cognizant of either before seeing OurToothbrush’s reaction.

I think I would have trouble getting it up for a blow job from a smoking hot women after I learned she had a penis. I’m willing to concede that that is technically transphobic. I don’t think it changes the fact that I am an ally of the trans rights movement.

Just say you’re a cis-het male ally and I think everyone will know what you mean. It’s too bad this has been sick an ugly experience, it’s still a hell of a lot easier than gender dysphoria.

Hey MapleEngineer,

I’ve seen you around before and know you’re acting in good faith, and I believe you’re an ally, or at least a potential ally, to the trans community.

I’m chiming in here because I replied to OurToothbrush earlier to give her a cis-het male ally’s perspective, and suggest that she might have more success with a less confrontational strategy.

She suggested I might have better luck explaining her objection to you, or at least that she would appreciate me trying to help you understand her point.

Both your comments are coming fast and furious so I’m trying to respond to your latest.

So here goes:

Your basic point was that you’re exclusively interested in cis-women, and that this is a preference you have, everyone is entitled to preferences so what’s the big deal. It doesn’t mean you’re not an ally.

Life is complex. Just as there’s nobody that’s purely “racially white” (race isn’t real, but that’s beside the point, or maybe it is the point…), there’s nobody that’s purely female or male. Obviously most people’s bodies develop either testicles or ovaries not both, but: there is a sizable portion of the population where it’s not so clear cut. Ultimately: Every person has mutations in their DNA that skew their body towards and away from what’s considered masculine/feminine.

While sexual orientation towards masculine/feminine people doesn’t seem to be strongly influenced by culture (ie I don’t think you can raise a kid to be gay), what a person perceives to be masculine/feminine/trans IS strongly a product of their culture and conditioning.

Viewing sexuality and gender through the framework I laid out above and considering her experiences may help you understand why OurToothbrush sees transphobia where you see sexual preference.

OurToothbrush’s experience seems to be that lots of ‘cis-het-men’ say they aren’t attracted to trans-women, but are in fact attracted to trans-women like her. When they discover that she is a trans-woman they have very negative reactions. Since the (former) suitors were attracted to her until they guessed she was assigned male at birth, but before they had learned the status of her genitalia, how can she conclude anything other than transphobia? Do you see how their reaction is basically the same as your statement?

I pointed out to her that transphobia and homophobia are beaten into men/boys and if they have a negative reaction to learning that a women that they’re attracted to was assigned male at birth, it doesn’t mean they aren’t allies, just that they haven’t unlearned that phobic conditioning. It’s a type of internalized latent transphobia that has infected me too. I don’t dwell on it because as a person in a committed monogamous relationship for over half of my life, it is unlikely to matter, and I suspect it would be a monumental undertaking to unlearn. The effort is better spent healing rifts between allies.

Can you understand why when someone says “I’m exclusively interested in cis-women” a person with OurToothbrush’s experiences might hear “trans-women are gross”.

Tldr; I think I see where you’re both coming from. We cis-het-men are notoriously fragile, especially when our allyship is questioned. I think it will be more effective for people trying to point out people’s latent transphobia to take an educational/ collaborative tone at first, and it’s something I’m going to try to do a better job of helping people understand.

Honestly, thank you two for having this spat so that I could map it out in my head better, I’m not sure I’ve done the best job typing it out though. You’re both welcome to tell me to fuck off.

Having read about your experiences (elsewhere in the thread, you hadn’t posted them when I started my prior comment) I understand your reaction better.

I’ll try to explain it to MapleEngineer.

Are you nitpicking an ally for using “exclusive” instead of “principal”?

MapleEngineer doesn’t actually know for sure that he has never been attracted to a trans woman. So it’s important to correct him when he says he has an exclusive sexual interest in cis-women.

Is that your point? That failing to acknowledge the nuance that sexuality exists on a spectrum must be addressed confrontationally because it’s erasure?

Transphobia and homophobia are too often literally (yes, I mean literally) beaten into men. We have to work to unlearn it. If an ally says he wouldn’t be able to keep it up if he learned the woman he was courting was assigned male at birth, believe him, but don’t discount him as an ally. Imo your efforts are better spent combating active transphobia than policing your allies. If their terminology hurts you, suggest better ways to articulate their points but do it collaboratively instead of confrontationally.

Just my two cents.

Ha guess why I’m on lemmy right now.

As a man, I think it’s the sort of experience that men struggle to understand because of patriarchal dynamics.

What I mean is: if a doctor were to:

• ask me if I have considered other forms of birth control
• and then explain all the different birth control methods to make sure I actually understand,
• ask if I’ve talked about the decision with my wife,
• and then explain that a general impression of her opinion isn’t the same thing as sitting down together and reviewing all the data,
• ask if understand how the surgery will affect my body
• and then explain the hormonal changes my body would go through
• etc

before agreeing to schedule a vasectomy.

Interpretting these questions through the lens of my lived experience:

These are thorough but pragmatic questions. The doctor is trying to make sure I understand all the options. The doctor is a peer with special expertise and wants to make sure that I understand all the risks.

But women too often grow up in an environment which tells them:

• Women should trust the men in their lives too make the best decisions for them.
• That having children is the most important thing they can do in the world.
• A woman’s value is proportional to her utility as a wife and mother.
• Women that have sex for fun are disgusting sluts.

So when they get asked a barrage of questions identical to the ones I’dve been asked, they experience them very differently. Women are not irrational to hear the exact same questions very differently if they are interpreting them through the lens of their experiences. Maybe they experience those questions as:

• “Why don’t you just stop having so much sec you slut?”
• “Don’t you know how to have sex with out getting pregnant you dumb bitch?”
• “Do you have your husband’s permission?”
• “Does your husband know you’re a slut?”
• “Do you understand that you will be destroying your value to society if you don’t have kids?”
• “Do you understand that you will become any even crazier bitch after this?”

And too often, the doctor really does mean that.

Edit to add: I’d value other people’s takes too.

Everybody should also know that the Communist Manifesto is different from Marx’s magnum opus Capital.

I just want to point out that saying things to people with the intent of making them fear for their life, is probably a crime.

If OP is worried for real, maybe a restraining order is possible.

Not because a religious judgement really means anything violent (or even specific) but because there is someone trying to intimidate OP.

Religion is deliberately non-falsifiable.

I think it would be more accurate to say that the non-falsifiablity of religion has evolved as a result of a sort of natural selection. Essentially all the falsifiable religious beliefs have been falsified, and thus have trouble propagating.

I don’t get this reference

I understand your anger and agree that anti-vaxxers are stupid. I believe public health education should be part of the school system.

I also agree that it’s responsible for a society to impose reasonable restrictions on members that endanger it.

I think people do have an ethical obligation to take reasonable precautions avoid potentially exposing others to pathogens. Vaccination is an example of reasonable precaution. People have the right to bodily autonomy, do not vaccinate them against their wishes.

I do not support the firing of workers for refusing vaccinations if they can do their job remotely. People shouldn’t have to decide between their religious beliefs and employment if their employment doesn’t bring them into contact with others. (Imo anti-vaxx is essentially a religion, this may say more about my beliefs regarding religion than about anti-vaxx sentiment).

By all means exclude the unvaccinated from places where they can be reasonably understood to endanger the public, or others that have a similar right to be there.

Any idiot can build a bridge that stands, but it takes an engineer to build a bridge that barely stands.

Oof.

In the defense of engineers, they are usually trying to optimize around a few more variables than ability to stand. Cost is a big one.

If a car has a warranty of 10 years, it will last 11 years.

…If it’s well engineered.

I’ve had lots of led bulbs die. I think it’s because I bought them at the dollar store.

I love to be pedantic so I’ll point out that it had to be 3 equal mutually perpendicular golden ratio rectangles

Does anyone have an analysis comparing the Fremen of Frank Herbert’s Dune to the the Aiel of Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time?

Lol, yeah they’ve just learned to pretend to be too avoid being everyone’s tech support.

It’s why I tell everyone to get a mac: I don’t know anything about them.

My family doctor referred me to a specialist clinic.

Specialist diagnosed me and made some suggestions to me family doctor. Some medications, some counseling some organizational stuff.

The organizational stuff is what really helps but it’s just the ‘get organized’ stuff that everybody recommends. but with the meds I’m actually able to do it.

Your explanation makes sense to me, an uninvolved spectator with no particular knowledge of generators.

Maybe you direct the generator exhaust over the exterior of the tank? Would that be adequate heat?

My thought was to recall that my 20# propane tank has some sort of safety valve integrated into it that will clamp outflow if there is too big a surge in flow. Flow needs to be 0 for a minute or so for it to reset. But that doesn’t explain your experience with the larger tank.

Okay, I think $80 Canadian for a case, psu, mobo, cpu, & ram is sounding pretty reasonable. I just don’t know of its enough processing power for the video stuff. But I guess if not I can upgrade the mobo/cpu or add a graphics card.

Thanks, that channel looks great.

Re offsite backup: Yes I don’t have so many family photos that it will be difficult/ expensive to store online. But I need to get them together first.