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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 15th, 2023

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    1. Practice practice practice. I spent two semesters in undergrad sitting at random peoples tables and striking up conversations with them. Get over your anxiety about being disliked. The worst you will do is leave someone with a moderately awkward experience, and you will never ever see them again.

    2. Make a conscious decision to put your phone away and attempt to connect in public spaces. Technology has made it so that even the smallest inconvenience can be avoided easily. Learning to small talk is going to be a hell of a lot more worse than an inconvenience. You have to get comfortable with the idea that you will be acutely aware that you suck the first dozen times that you do it.

    3. Active listening. Get people talking with an easy question to expound upon, then pay attention to the answers and ask them to elaborate on anything they mention in passing, ideally things you find interesting. “Tell me more” is your biggest friend here.

    4. “Yes and”, not “No, but”. Agree, emphasize, respond, empathize. If they say something, totally repulsive, try to deflect to something else rather than actively confront.

    5. Open ended questions are your best friend. If the question you’re formulating can be answered with yes/no, rephrase it into something that invites explanation.

    6. When you have struck gold, stop looking. Let people talk about things they wanted to talk about. As you do this more and more you’ll start getting a sense for when they’re running out of things to say vs when they want to continue but are concerned they’re talking too much. For the former, go back to step 3 and ask them about something else they mentioned. For the latter, learn the methods for communicating your interest. Eye contact, an open posture, a micro-smile, tilted head, all communicate that you are engaged and listening. The secret sauce here, though, is to just repeat the last couple of words they said back to them. It’s like magic.