Ryobi cordless leaf blower. You have to aim for the rim because if you hit home it makes you burp.

Actually though, just dab with TP. You’ll use much less TP and not need “flushable” wipes that still clog your main sewage line

A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson and Sailing Alone Around the World by Joshua Slocum

Take my upvote you magnificent bastard.

I poop in metric so this doesn’t apply to me.

I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.

Fandango. 1985 with Kevin Costner and Judd Nelson. It was Costner and Kevin Reynolds’ first project together. It’s not a straight up comedy but it’s a very funny movie IMHO.