I’m writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole “lying to children about Christmas” thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it’s completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal with.
Two questions:
What age does this normally happen? I suppose you want the “magic of Christmas” at younger ages, but it gets embarrassing at a certain point.
And how does it normally happen? Let them find out from others through people at school? Tell them explicitly during a “talk”? Let them figure it out on their own?
Let it be an exercise in critical thinking. I knew from a young age that Santa wasn’t real. Kids talk. Mom still gives us presents from Santa, 39 years later.
I have 3 kids. I’ve never lied to them about Santa. I’ve always told them that the idea behind Xmas was kindness and giving and left it at that, and that the whole Santa thing was just a fun story to play along with, like the tooth fairy or social equality.
Damn, hitting them hard with reality at the end there lol
Then they go tell all their friends lol
All right," said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.”
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—”
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
“So we can believe the big ones?”
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
“They’re not the same at all!”
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point—”
MY POINT EXACTLY.
What’s this from? Thought it was Terry pratchett to begin with but not sure who Susan is if so
We have 2 kids, and never said that Santa was real and that some of our friends believed that it was the ‘birth’ of a scarred person to them - we talked about solstice etc. The second of our kids had an unwavering belief in Sant until about a month a go - then she accused us of lying to her that Sant was real - some battles you just cant win
Are you referring to santa and elves or the birth of Christ?
My 5yo daughter appreciates santa et.al. as a cheeky fun fantasy just like the easter bunny and tooth fairy. I never tried to convince her that any of it it real.
We even have an elf on a shelf that she looks far every morning with great enthusiasm but if someone gets weird about she says “its just a toy ok”
Let them manage on their own. You don’t have to tell serious lies v. “White lies”.
If they ever ask you direct questions… just ask them what they think? And move on.
IMO: the spirit of Santa exist. That’s all that should matter.
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I still remember when I asked my mom about Santa, she replied, “It’s what you believe in your heart.”
What the hell? He either exists or he doesn’t. That was the second I stopped believing.
My kids have always known Santa wasn’t real. We just nonchalantly talk about which adult is going to be santa this year. It’s like playing pretend, and doesn’t make the kids any less excited (but does remove the awkwardness of explaining why it’s ok that a strange old man you don’t know is allowed to come into the house while everyone is sleeping because he is giving you stuff, but other strange old men trying to give you stuff shouldn’t be trusted).
For the telling other kids at school thing, my sister would say that it’s not her responsibility to cover for other parents lying to theig kids. We would each be honest to our kids and let other parent handle their kids.
First, prove Santa Claus doesn’t exist and then we can talk about your opinions.
In our family it was done like this: The story of how the presents get magically to the house was told, just like you would tell a fairytale, in this kind of storytelling way. Younger children believe it, older children begin suspecting something from the tone of voice. We also let some things slip sometimes, like hiding presents and having to go and buy some secret stuff to help with preparing the Christmas. Children of older preschool age really enjoy being able to find out themselves, suspecting you and catching the clues. Then when they confront you with their theory, you can let them in on the conspiration by just a wink, maybe tell them not to let others know. They then tend to start participating, preparing their own presents for others. It works very well.
I like this. in my family, I figured it out at about 3 or 4, promptly told the 2 year old, and broke the reality to the next two before they could even start to believe there was a real Santa.
instead, Santa was the spirit of Christmas, so any of us could be Santa if we gave presents with no expectation of recognition or a return gift. much more Secret Santa than magical man leaving presents.
this did lead to several years where the youngest would give away all their toys, only to then reclaim them after presents were opened. generosity isn’t an easy concept for the pre-schoolers.
I’m seeing a lot of judgement on pretending Santa exists vs being 100% truthful with your kids. I don’t think either way is a bad way, but don’t judge others if they choose to pretend Santa is real.
With that being said, I do agree that if you are going to go with the Santa story, when the kid asks if they are real you should be truthful.
I just went through this with my 9 year old. She just came up one day and asked me if Santa was real and I told her no. There were a lot of follow up questions and it made her realize the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny, etc were the same situation. She asked me why we pretended Santa was real and I explained for us it was nice to see the magic that they felt from a stranger being kind just for kindness sake.
For me personally, I think it’s a good lesson for kids to begin logically questioning their world and what they’ve been told.
I’m ok with Christmas presents, but not with with Santa bullshit. Same with Tooth Fairy or anything similar. What’s the point?
Also, if your kids know you’re the one giving them their presents, maybe the will appreciate you a bit more.
Completely agree with you. I’m definitely underqualified to speak of this, as I have no children, but I have a masters degree in pedagogy, started a PhD in pedagogy years ago that I never finished and briefly worked as a teacher, but I’ve never once in my life saw as little as a proper article with any proof that belief in Santa is in any way beneficial to a child’s developement.
Moreover I honestly believe it’s detrimental. Such belief often leaves children in poor families disappointed and resentful when they see their friends get much more impressive gifts. On top of that such belief leads to ungrateful and entitled behavior in children as they believe they are owed a present, without understanding the sacrifices their parents have to make to buy this present.
Tldr: Please don’t make your kids worship capitalist mascots, if you want them to have a magical childhood just read them a book or spend quality time with them.
It’s just horrible to see secular people intentionally lying to their kids. It fosters mistrust. Sure, celebrate Christmas, and put the presents in the stocking and whatnot, make it fun. But to lie to your kids about who’s doing it seems totally unnecessary and harmful. Same for the tooth fairy. Fortunately for me, my parents didn’t lie to me about the tooth fairy. And I appreciate that.
B nice bro dont waste my vote
Kids talk at school. Ages 5 to 9.
Saw this on Reddit years ago, and it goes like: You had a great time thinking of Santa. Now you know the truth, and you are now Santa. Same as your parents. Don’t ruin it for your siblings, let them keep the magical feeling.
This. I was eight when I found out. My mother was in denial and kept using santa as a manipulation tool for good behavior until I was maybe 13, but she was an alcoholic with the tentative grasp of reality. I got super bitter about Christmas until I was homeless as a teen.
Christmas was the first major attempt to wrestle back what I felt I was owed as a child. I refused to be bitter, because I saw that as giving in to the people who wanted me to fail. I enjoy Christmas as punk as fuck.
Still hard, though. I can’t find anyone as into it as I want to be and don’t have the energy to really go all in as I want to.
I never grew up with Santa and don’t plan on any kids of mine doing so if I become a mom.
I was 2 and a half and spotted that Santa was wearing my Dad’s shoes. As I thought he’d killed my father and robbed his shoes I was upset and my parents had to explain that Santa wasn’t some kind of murder hobo but that the Wellington boots that came.with the Santa outfit were too.small, so my Dad had to use his own. Never did me any harm.
My brother was straight up with his kids from the start. He didn’t want some imaginary fat man taking credit for the thoughtful gifts he gives them.
