One of my new friends is/was a cop. Just found out about it. I genuinely believe ACAB, and this news has me conflicted because my new friend seems really cool and super nice. I don’t know him super well yet, though. He’s a big part of this new friend group and I don’t know how to process this and how to deal with the fact he’s a cop.
I don’t want to look past the fact he’s a cop, but I want to stay his friend and stay in this friend group.
Any advice for dealing with this shit?
I can’t talk to my therapist about it until Thursday.
i use to work with the police, and many i considered my friends. i know they were good people, but i also knew those on the force that were not.
part of the acab movement is about how the general public can never know which is which, so it is in our best interest to assume we are always facing the worst of the worst. your intimate knowledge of the person can be held separately from the movement.
i do understand that those good cops allowing those bad cops is a huge issue but thats really on them, not you. officers who attempt to ‘fix’ this issue arent officers for very long.
This is one of many problems with “ACAB” because not every cop is one way or the other.
Reality is that a functioning society needs police officers. It sounds like you hit it off with this person and they have some good qualities that you like.
How do you expect the police to change if we don’t get involved? Getting rid of the police entirely is not a solution. But getting in and making changes from the inside is a valid way to make things better.
Why are you wanting to create an echo chamber for yourself? Why don’t you expose yourself to others and other ideas that are different than yours? What’s the harm there? Are you scared you won’t be able to change his mind or that his ideas might make some sense to you?
This.
I’m friends with a former Republican social media person. I don’t share his views and he’s knows that, but I can appreciate his views so that I can learn.
Sometimes the most uncomfortable perspective can help you grasp some really complicated things.
And also, you might not even know what their views on the police are.
Just get to know them. Don’t adapt their views if you don’t subscribe to them, but listen to them and maybe you can take away some stuff here and there.
Yes go out and befriend a KKK grand wizard today lol you will learn a lot.
Sure, ask Daryl Davis https://youtu.be/PVVFx3issHg
Sure go hangout with a neo nazi, I’m sure they have redeeming qualities.
I have a couple of friends in law enforcement (NYPD & state Police). They tend to be best cops around, one of them is being sent to be a trainer so he can get some bigger promotions.
You got to ask yourself and maybe them if they are a good person. All cops are bad because of what the system does to them. But who they are in spite of what that system is doing says more about who they are as a person.
Chances are they’ll have edgy jokes, but you’ve been on the Internet long enough to end up here, so I’m sure you can navigate that.
Remember conservatives hate liberal arts colleges because people who are exposed to diversity are more tolerant of it.
ACAB is cops as a collective. Like, your friend may be a great person when not at work. And may even be ‘one of the good ones’ when on the clock.
That doesn’t mean he’s going to testify against a fellow officer that he sees planting drugs on a suspect.
Up to you if that’s someone you want to hang around with. But I will say there’s a lot of other moral grey areas when it comes to professions in our culture.
I have people in my friends group that are landlords. I don’t make it a point to hang out with them, but I don’t shun them either.
With things like cops, you have to remember that if no one with morals goes into it, it’ll keep getting worse.
I have a lot of family that are in some kind of law enforcement, and a couple friends from college that went into it as well.
If you cut them off because they’re cops, then the only people who associate with them are assholes and it concentrates.
Just be upfront about it.
Couple months ago I ran into a friend of a friend from college who’s a cop. The first and last things I said to him was dont be a fucking asshole. Other than that I treated him the same as if he wasn’t a cop.
If we cut that dude out of our lives, the only people he’d talk to would tell him to be more of an asshole.
Like, obviously if he’s doing shady shit, then fuck him.
Wouldn’t be a friend.
Well, either you drop the All from ACAB… or your friend.
I used to be besties with a cop. He was a good guy for a while, but then he had a hernia and got prescribed pain meds. And then he started getting invited to cop parties where they all swapped pills, and he got addicted to hard things. It changed him entirely - he became aggressive and scary to be around, so I told him my thoughts and told him that I didn’t want to be around him. He didn’t take it well, and I felt scared.
Be careful. Imagine how bad things could be if he decided he hated you and wanted to put the weight of his authority against you. It could be too dangerous to be worth it.
I mean, try to steer him to not be “one of the bad ones” and always do the right thing even if that means the possibility of getting fired.
If he starts abusing his power, thats when you have to cut off the friendship.
Basically, act as his conscience, and stop him from getting corrupted by the system.
Remember, if its not him, someone else is taking his position. Just use the fact that this happened to be your friend to try to act as a moral guide. But be willing to confront him if he becomes corrupt and be prepared of the possibility to lose this friend.
Somebody just learned the dangers of broad generalizations
Every perfect rule has only 1 exception.
If you meet another “good one” know that one of em is lying to you.
Sounds familiar. Keeping things vague, but I know a US cop. Out and proud about voting for the convicted felon rather than the district attorney, not that he could possibly think of it that way.
His kids are grown and I’ve seen evidence they don’t share his views. At least one of those kids is a woman. I take solace in the fact that their votes cancelled his out, even if things have gone his way.
I wouldn’t say he’s a friend, but he’s definitely friend of a friend territory and I’ve “spoken” with him a few times. Carefully. It’s been almost pleasant. Even the ones with their heads on wrong can be personable. Until you get on their bad side.
Because of mutual friends, I can’t avoid him all the time, but if I can, I do.
I think you deal with it the same way you deal with someone of other political party. If you can have a reasonable argument with them and each explain your values and how you process some issues, it’s OK if they come to a different place than you.
E.g. People can feel for the homeless and come to a different % of assistance vs. job training.But, If it seems like they have an utter lack of empathy for a certain type of person, you call that out and see what happens. If they can’t acknowledge human rights and dignity, you cut them off.
I genuinely believe ACAB,
Yeahhhh… No. That’s not true. Being a police officer doesn’t make someone a bad person. Good cops exist.
I’m not saying which country I live in, but I’ve only ever had good experiences with cops. They were polite to me and also helpful. It is a profession which can and does attract bad actors and the extent to which people are vetted differs between locations, but not everyone is going to be like that. There are genuinely nice and caring people out there who want to help and protect people!
Same
I see some rather extreme responses here and I am pretty radical too but don’t let this shit replace your common sense judgement when dealing with people on personal level.
Use common sense.
